Who am I? Part two

After reading comments from two good friends (the only people in the world who I have told about this blog, btw), I had two more thoughts about identity in general and my identity in specific.

Identity in general: Allysther is my college roommate and my sister. I know lots of people who consider a friend a sister, but as with my biological sister, I am satisfied to know she exists in the world - sometimes thinking about me, but often not, always a part of me. There is so much that I don't know about the details of their lives, but there are things I know about them intuitively...

Ok, so my point here is that who I am contains parts of who other people are. I have lots of acquaintances, but there are not many people with whom I am authentic. When I do let someone close, that person really becomes a part of me - I care what he/she thinks and feels. Lots of people say they don't care what other people think... and maybe I care too much... actually I know I care too much... but I couldn't imagine how I would connect with other people if I really didn't care what they thought. And I couldn't imagine going through life so disconnected.

So question: How does the identity of others influence my identity?
In different ways... 99% of people pass in and out of my life without notice... the people in line with me at 7-11, the people in cars around me on the highway, sitting in a movie theatre with me (having one of those collective solo experiences that have become the hallmark of American culture).

.05% of people I can picture in my head - maybe I know a name, maybe I don't. People I see consistently, and even speak to, but know nothing about. The #33 6:20 a.m. bus driver, the copier dude, you get the idea. They help my day to day life function.

.03% of people I have the illusion of knowing well. Co-workers, relatives, that type. I know details about them (they drink decaf, they are married and have 2 kids, they drive a white Honda Accord) but I don't know them. I put almost all of the guys I have dated in this category. I'm not really being cold - there are only 3 guys that I dated in the traditional sense- all the others were really what people in the singles scene today would call "hook-ups". I have never really bought into the idea of going out with the same guy more than once or twice. There are so many out there, why limit yourself?

.01% of people I interact with and maybe just for a second, but they influence me in some way. An attractive guy I have never seen before eyes me as I walk from the parking garage and suddenly what I have on becomes my new favorite outfit. The kid at the grocery store who called me "ma'am" and made me sit in my car despairing at how my youth is over. The old bastard that practically ran me over with his luggage cart in the customs line at the airport - and then had the nerve to yell at me.

And then that .01% of people - maybe even fewer, that really get into my blood. And they change me and are a part of who I am.

Those people never leave your life. I found myself Goolging an ex. Not any ex, but my first ex. He was not my "first" (I was his), but he was the first person to ever earn the title "boyfriend". Today is his birthday. I didn't find him, so Bear, happy birthday where ever you are and who ever you have become.