What is honesty?

So no one asked me to expound on honesty, but Bart wrote: "you're so dreadfully honest ann"

...but what is it to be honest. Is it to be truthful? Maybe that's part of it, but "truthful" lacks honesty's depth. You can tell the truth with facts (I went to work today, I can drive a car, ...), but facts are important but incomplete. You can really trick people with facts. Chose the right topic and you can feign intimacy (hey, I'm in my jammies right now)... and tone of voice is everything. I had a job where I told each person, the same factual thing day in and day out and somehow the people felt bonded with me.

Integrity, that's noble. Everyone says they are looking for people with integrity, but most of the time I think they are hoping to find people who will lie for them instead of to them.

I'm not trying to be funny, but truthfully, I don't see myself as an honest person... not that I am dishonest. For example, I wrote to Zanla off-blog. I said:

"I need to express my thoughts, but my problem, as you know, is that so many of my thoughts are pretty sexual. I am afraid to be totally open on the site because I am easily identifiable and I don't want to be hounded by freaks. I know I could have made myself more anonymous, but then I couldn't be authentic. "

He suggested that I create a second blog, but I have decided not to do that. It takes so much effort to do a good job with one blog. I also think I would lose interest in creating something that intense that no one is reading. It would be like masturbation, and frankly wouldn't make more sense to actually... ok, see what I mean?

So, am I dishonest because I am not brave/stupid enough to put every thought that pops into my head on the internet? If so, I'll accept that. I was just thinking today that if I applied for a job that required a security clearance, I'd have to delete all of this. I wouldn't have to... I could be "honest" and leave it up... I've committed no crime here, but I'd rather be "dishonest" and take it down, than "honest" and lose out on a really interesting job.

A big part of honesty for me is being honest with myself and to myself (like being true to myself). Sometimes that means being dishonest or at least illusive with others. This "total honesty" crap that is being peddled right now by relationship counselors, talk show hosts, relationship counselors that are talk show hosts, and their ilk is bullshit. Being honest with myself and to myself first is critical. Being as honest as I can with everyone else is important too, but it does not override the honesty I owe myself. This is how I separate what's me from what's someone else.