What's the question?

So I have this friend at work who confessed that he reads my blog. I joked with him today that he could probably get a lot of inside info by reading what I write...but that's not why I am concerned. I am concerned because I really tell this guy just about anything and everything. After he left my office today I found myself thinking, other than work gossip, is there anything new here for him?

My life is such an open book in general. Other than stupid trivia, I think people know about all there is to know about me. Yet people seem to look at me like they have a question they are dying to ask, but won't.

What's the question? Is it the same for everyone?

Why are people afraid to just ask? I view myself as being really open - maybe that is not how others see me.

Lately I have found myself feeling kind of cut off from others.

At work today everyone went to lunch together and "forgot" to invite me - again. It's been happening all summer. I feel like my co-workers know what is going on, but no one is telling me. My direct supervisor has been particularly distant. She came out to Bosnia with me and she and I along with another colleague even took a nice little trip to Dubrovnik. That was early June. Since she returned to the US, she has held me at arms length. Was I too open with her? Did I say something offensive? (Keep in mind this woman used the words "bitch slap" in a meeting with the Dean and a department chair present to refer to a faculty member)

Also today a colleague of mine who works in Bosnia was commenting that a mutual acquaintance and I have gotten closer. It's true. Over the last month or so, we have IM'd everyday...but we were closer in January. We spent some time together and he told me things - deep, important things - that I have now come to understand are not typically shared with anyone ever - and yet he told me. I can remember the words he spoke like he is here speaking them now.

But then for more than 6 months...silence.

He would avoid even being in the same room with me, much less alone with me. My colleague said, "you have that effect on people; you should stop". He reminded me how important it will be that I remain professionally connected to this acquaintance and how I shouldn't get intimate with him. True, but the damage is done. I know he remembers that night and maybe he can handle it better than I, but I can't just set it aside. I will be seeing him in just a few weeks and I would be lying if I said that I am not completely anxious about it. My inclination is to just hang back and see what he does, but he is an introverted, cautious person who typically sticks to the background and observes. The first two times I came to Sarajevo, he never spoke more than a dozen words to me. I have to find a way to put an hand out to him without scaring him off or letting him too close...and I'm running out of time to firm up an alliance between us.

...and he has a question in his eyes too. Something he wanted to ask me, but didn't...why not? Is it me? After being so open with me, why hold back?

I suppose *I* could always ask...

...but not him...someone else...need the alliance...not intimacy...got it ;)