Do I love myself?

I'm not sure what this means. I think I'm too close to the project ;)

Ok, so I am asked this quite a bit in a bunch of different forms - usually in relation to the choices I have made in my life. Does the fact that I took a job in Bosnia mean that I am taking unnecessary risk and therefore do not love myself? Does my obsession with my appearance mean I really love myself or that I hate myself (or at least my outer self)? If I decided to do something about my appearance like exercise, do I love myself and want to be healthy...but I thought being concerned about my appearance was unhealthy...or is it all in the motive. I'm not convinced there are lots of people in the gym who aren't at least partially thinking about appearance. But that's other people...

But I guess "other people" are a central issue in the whole question, because I never ask myself if I love me. That's the biggest sign that I do. I don't ask myself if I love the people that I love. I don't think love is a deliberate or conscious thing. I think it happens before we realize it, so we cross the line and then look back at it from the other side. I think I can pinpoint the moment that I knew for sure that I loved a certain person, but the love obviously started before that.

...and I think it's the same with me. I know I love myself. Yes, sometimes I make choices based on impulse and I take risks I shouldn't and indulge in things and activities and people that I shouldn't.

So?

I am happier for living that way - even when I get hurt. When I think about my skating, I remember the spectacular finishes as well as the spectacular crashes with a self-satisfied clarity. Mentally, I gloss over the failures and the million hours of practice just run together. But the first set of stitches I got mean as much as my first gold medal.