I have met the "other woman" and it has shaken my self confidence...why?

For those of you who don't know or can't figure out, I thrive on being the center of attention - specifically male attention. I'd rather be in a random photo shoot for Maxim than the front cover of Good Housekeeping (and I work hard everyday to make sure Good Housekeeping doesn't come calling).

So I have known for more than a year that there is another woman in my office who is often spoken of as being attractive and men bend over backwards to run into her and make conversation, etc. Of course I immediately cyber stalked her and found a picture...

Phew....what a relief, she's not all that. At least IMHO...

Then on Friday, I spoke with her at good length at a reception. Every minute I talked to her my heart sank lower and lower. First of all, she's Dr. Other Woman. I always knew that, but there are some amazingly stupid people that somehow manage to get PhD's. As she talked, it became more and more clear that she was not one of them. Nor is she boring, sadly (at least for me) I'd say her personality is not less than sparkling. Oh well, maybe she won't get tenure and I'll be off the hook in just 3 - 4 years...Damn, that's not going to happen, she's pretty freakin' great. At least there's just the two of us in a male dominated office. I guess I will just have to share. I wonder if people have the "Ginger/Marianne" debate about the two of us...

Saturday, more difficulties. A married friend's wife had her baby shower. (If you can follow this, the friend is best friends with the guy from Aug 5 & Aug 17). I know that my friend still thinks I'm hot because he kisses me on the mouth whenever he sees me and we have met up in groups with our female friends that he also knows well and the mouth kisses (and occasional pats on the backside) are just for me.

And then, one day I started to hear a name, a woman's name, creep into conversation more and more. He had just been transferred to a new office and "she" works there. And they talk and talk. His wife, whom I've become very friendly with asked me if I though if they were more than friends. I found myself getting really pissed and thinking, better f*cking not be!

So I get to the shower. I look around the room at all the yentas and realize that I don't know anyone. I am not typically invited to these things as all of my friends are guys. In this case, the party was being thrown by the mother of my friend. So then I see someone who I felt I could relate to because she looked as uncomfortable as I did.

Thank God! She was great. Smart, funny, we exchanged emails...decided to make plans for when I get back from Bosnia. Then she says, "I was having so much fun, I never properly introduced myself; Hi, I'm 'Other Woman'". It was all I could do not to pull my hand away like I was touching a hot stove. Now I've got plans with her. *sigh*

People have long supposed that the way I think is because I have a crappy relationship with my father and therefore I crave male attention. Maybe, but I also grew up in a society that prizes prowess with the opposite sex.

However, I do think that the fact that I never had a love relationship with my parents makes me hyper-insecure. I'm not needy. I'm not a constant flowers and candy chick, but go on a trip and bring nothing back for me and there will be hell to pay. Why? Because you went away and didn't think of me while you were there. Well, maybe you did, but how would I know? It's not about the gift; for me it's truly the thought that counts.

It's like the fact that I didn't get attention as a kid means that I have an irrational fear of somehow fading into the background.