Do I deserve better?

This is not to say that in general everyone shouldn't strive for more for themselves, and this isn't one of those self-pitying entries where I argue that I suck and therefore don't deserve more. I am just wondering, since I have it pretty good. I could see in a lot of ways were I could screw up "pretty-darn-good", trying to get something "better" - whatever that means.

My looks...
I am pretty convinced that on a scale of 1 - 10, I'm about an 8. I have been told this enough times across several decades to know that this is likely my statistical true score. So for awhile now, I have been considering a tummy tuck. I also have thought about having my nose narrowed and cheekbones reconstructed like Halle Barry probably did. Then again, what if the surgery is completely successful, and now I'm a 9. What would that get me? Then in 5 - 10 years, wouldn't I have to do it all again?

My wardrobe...
Ok, you got me there. I deserve better. I just hate to spend money on clothes. For some reason I can't see spending more than $30 on a single piece - yes that includes dresses and shoes.

My house...
You know how close you are to me by whether or not I have ever let you see the inside of my house on short notice (short notice = less than one week). I just cannot spend time cleaning. I am working on a project now that would go so much easier if I could have people at my house, but there is just no way. I do not want people seeing how I live. When I am in Sarajevo, I am religious about my apartment, so to those of you who have visited me there, it doesn't count. I mean my home, home. In this case, I don't deserve better because I don't take care of what have.

My car...
I drive a beige Toyota Camry. It's just pure irony. When it dies, I'm gonna get one just like it.

My love life...
I know this is what Three Husskateers is getting at. There is a saying that everyone gets 2 great loves. By age 23, I had three. Sure things are not perfect right now, but they are pretty-darn-good. He loves me, treats me well, and he's letting me run off to Bosnia without complaint. He hasn't bought me a piece of valuable jewelry in forever, the flowers in the office are never for me, and our last trip "just the two of us" was 3 years ago and it was to meet my sister in Thailand. We were alone for the flight over, tho. When we got to Ko Samui he couldn't understand why I wanted separate rooms for us and her.

*sigh*

But I don't have to look far to see what life is like for the truly single. It is pretty clear that it is especially brutal for women "my age".

So my dreams of romance with him will be unfulfilled in exchange for a reality that is better than most people could ever hope for. The question of whether or not I "deserve" better is eclipsed but the fact that the odds are way against me of actually being able to find better.