So is it obvious to everyone that I am avoiding something?

I have not put up a thoughtful post in awhile now. That's because I am totally weighed down obsessing about the mess at work (I could tell you all about it, but it would sound like I was just making it up to get pity). I'll give you a glimpse into the first 15 minutes of my day today: the night before, at the request of the person I have formerly referred to as my champion, I spent 4 hours with a senior co-worker (platonic, not even flirting, so you know it was serious). During our talk it became obvious that my direct supervisor lied to him. He confronted her and I did my best to cover her with the "I-was-in-Bosnia-and forgot-to-follow-up" story, but he didn't really buy it. So this morning I walked in and my supervisor (who hasn't bothered to say 2 things to me in the 3 weeks I've been back) blasted me for talking to the senior co-worker. I am sick with a cold and I am bloated-up like a blow fish so I just took it...and the day pretty much when down hill from there.

See what I meant...that is just not interesting reading.

The other big point of anxiety in my life is the emotional drama playing out in the Bosnia office. It is like a f**k'd up soap opera out there. Was I smart enough to not get enmeshed in it? Nope. I'm in it up to my eyeballs. Sure there's office politics as thick and wicked as you can imagine, but there is this whole interpersonal dynamic too. We have totally lost control out there in more than just the professional sense.

And I cannot believe I threw my hat in the ring to give up everything I know, and much of that is completely safe and comfortable, to go to the other side of the Atlantic and try to calm the chaos.

Maybe they will not pick me...