The internet and relationships: how does this work?

So I have Skype for work...really I need it for work. However, if I am on, I am "skyped" by 12 - 20 men per hour asking for me to add them to my contacts list.

At first I was so naive, "Hey this guy in Turkey wants to be my friend, ok I'll add him", yadda, yadda, 50 contacts and one marriage proposal (no lie) from a Sudanese dude in Bahrain and I have had enough. If you are a single woman, get on Skype and claim to be living in a Muslim country. That ought to solve all your problems. Seriously...these guys were relentless...even after telling them I am an American Jew, they still were hot for me.

I didn't even post my picture or my last name (Bill do not comment...that picture you saw of me is really bad. I didn't want to pitch a fit at the time because I didn't want you to think I see myself as some kind of princess...what with having the Jewish and American parts locked down).

For those of you who don't know, apparently the only picture of me on the internet is really stupid looking. Zanla knows I live in fear of other "better" pictures of me ending up on the internet so I am kind of in a Catch-22.

Anyway, I feel like the internet has turned the whole relationship thing on it's ear. Can I be friends with someone I have never meet IRL? If I have sexy IM chats with someone I know IRL, is that an "emotional affair"**(see below)? Is there a so such thing as a random man "skyping" you because he wants to make friends or learn English? I just really don't know. Ok, after some personal research, the answer is "no" on the third thing...unless they are learning English from Penthouse.

On top of all of this, there is the identity issue. I try to be careful about my identity, but I am not really that careful. I think part of the reason right now is because I am not worried about someone coming to find me in Sarajevo because of my blog (although I have very strong feelings about Milosevic which I will not dignify this man by posting them). However, I really should take better care. But there is this part of me that just wants to believe that the vast majority of people in the world...like 99.999%...are good people and would never attempt to harm me. That's very Pollyanna I know, but I really do think it is the case.

Of course, then the problem is that 99.999% still leaves 500,000 depraved, murderous, criminally insane individuals out there and from what I have seen on other websites, I am fairly sure that at least 499,999 of them spend lots of time on the internet.

That said, there are some weird double standards. If you are a guy, you can post your picture and your full name, and chances are, you will be fine as long as you are not too political - people hate that and will slam you. If you are a woman, just revealing the fact that you are a woman, is like putting up a big sign that says, "I enjoy sexual harassment". If a guy at my office says, "nice blouse", I can sue, but the same guy could email me a poem about his penis without any fear of reprisal (unless he sends it from his work address - duh). Don't you think that's weird? And I would probably just delete it and never mention it...or if it was good, I'd send it to all the women in the office as a forward - except I do not really send forwards, but you get my point.

Ok...enough food for thought...






** In general, I believe that "emotional affairs" exist, but for the most part, I think this is just a strategy to give spouses some terminology that will assist them in banning all opposite-sex friendships.